The people who believe Yeshua (Jesus) is the Messiah God promised to send have a spiritual relationship that cannot be denied.
But that doesn’t apply to relationships that exist in the world.
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I am going to share with you my personal situation with a young man from a different country, who I have known through this ministry for about 2 years.
He sent me a friend request, which I accepted and we began to talk. He wanted me to act as his mentor, which I greedily and egotistically accepted, not considering the effect this might have on him in the future.
Needless to say, the relationship began to become burdensome to me because he was looking for more than a mentor- he wanted a father figure, something I never wanted to be.
He grew up in a single parent (mother only) family, and lives in a third world country that is high in unemployment and political corruption. He has had a tough life, and been lucky enough to have another American, also a senior citizen as I am, who has financially supported his education to the point where the young man now has a public health certification.
I, also, have sent financial aid to him, to the point where I can no longer afford to send him anything. He is, after all, 26 years of age and must learn to be on his own.
So, now we come to the problem: this young man has been so desiring of a friendship that he has, without realizing or meaning to do so, forced a relationship on me that I never wanted nor asked for. From the start, he tried to force me into a fatherly position, wanting to call me his “Daddy-Steve”, which I refused to allow.
And recently, he told me that I was his best friend! Oy! How can I be his best friend? I am 70 and he is just 26, our lives are as different as can possibly be: I am winding down my time on this earth and he is just starting to live. I am not saying that it is impossible, but it scared the heck out of me to be called his best friend when we have so little in common, and the age difference, backgrounds, experiences, and nearly every other aspect that is the glue of a “best” friendship is missing!
The truth is I felt imposed upon, and that maybe I have been leading this person on, and now can’t extricate myself from the situation without hurting him.
And that is just what I did this morning because I have hinted at not wanting to be contacted every day, but the hints went unheeded, so I had to be totally frank, which I did with the subtlety of a charging rhino.
Here is the reason I am sharing this personal situation with you and how it applies to this teaching ministry: what this young man is (innocently) doing to me is what so many believers do to each other, as well as to non-believers who start to show an interest in knowing more about God: in their zeal to form a relationship that they want to have, they force themselves into the other person’s life, and by doing so instead of drawing them near, they cause the other person to distance themself.
The more you force a relationship with someone, the more you just push them away: you need to let relationships happen on their own.
No one can force a friendship between two people. And especially when there is a significant difference between the two of you; you need to take time to find something that you both share, which is absolutely necessary to form a friendship. And that has to be more than a spiritual belief.
Whether you are dealing with family, people you meet at work or at play, or strangers you get friend requests from on Facebook, you need to be patient and allow a friendship to form on its own. Friendships can’t be forced; they must be allowed to mature and grow at their own pace.
I had to state this clearly to this sweet, innocent kid who I still consider someone I want to know, but not to be texted by or called or left voicemails on my phone every day, forcing himself on me, my personal life, my wife and friends, making me feel like his day revolves around me. I don’t want that kind of pressure at this time of my life, and he needs to have a life of his own with friends of his own age, background, and interests.
He has told me that there aren’t many other believers he can associate with, and many of the people he knows do the sort of things he shouldn’t do. And yes, we are told that we shouldn’t mix with non-believers, but that doesn’t mean to avoid anyone who isn’t a member of your synagogue or church. If we don’t make relationships with those still in the darkness, then aren’t we like salt that has lost its flavor?
If we can’t form friendships with non-believers that allow us to be, at the very least, an example of godly living, then what good are we to the kingdom? Or to them?
You can’t save the souls of people you don’t know, but forcing yourself on them won’t do any good, either.
So, when you are out there in the world, and you meet someone who you want to get to know better, or maybe shows an interest in getting to know you better, don’t force that relationship, even if you feel desperately in need of a friend.
The quickest way to destroy a relationship is to force it to be what you want instead of patiently allowing it to become what it can.
I hope this makes sense to someone out there. I had to share this because I have been losing sleep bothered about how cruel I have to be to get my point across to this wonderful, loving and compassionate young man.
Well, that’s it for today. Please remember to subscribe and share these messages to help this ministry continue to grow (but don’t ram it down someone’s throat.)
L’hitraot, and Baruch HaShem!
