I am sure you know people who have lost a loved one and just never got past it, allowing it to influence their happiness now. If you ask me, that isn’t honoring the dead.
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The sad fact is that we never get over losing someone we love, but if we don’t get past it, I’m of the opinion that allowing the loss of someone to detrimentally affect your future happiness is not honoring their memory.
How can I say such a cruel thing? Easily! How many of you, if you were to die, would want the ones you left behind to be sad for the rest of their lives?
Speaking for myself, I would much prefer that they do not mourn for me, because anyone who knows me knows I am secure in the knowledge that I will be with God for all eternity, and really? -who would prefer to be on earth than to be in God’s holy and totally joyful presence forever?
Besides, the truth is we don’t mourn for the dead person, we mourn for ourselves, selfishly concerned about how we will get on without them. And yes- it is selfish, and that’s not a bad thing, really, but it is why we are so sad- the dead person is past all the evil and suffering of this world, so we should be happy for them, right? I mean, when you love someone, you want them to be happy, safe, and unburdened with troubles, don’t you? Well, how much more so do they fit that bill when they are dead?
Don’t get me wrong! I am not saying that you should wish someone you love dead so they can be happy- that’s not right. I am simply saying that when they are dead, they are free from this burdensome life and that should help to console us when feeling their loss.
Look, it’s okay to be sad for yourself that you will no longer have the pleasure of that person’s company, but do not allow it to influence the rest of your life by always having that dark cloud over your head. Rejoice in the fact that you were able to know that person for as long as you did, and rejoice in their being set free from the earthly troubles that we all have to suffer while we are alive.
And if you want to buy into that old story of your loved ones are waiting for you in heaven, or watching over you, well…if it gives you comfort and allows you to continue, then that’s fine. If you ask me, I believe that when we are dead, we wait for Judgement Day and do not hover over the ones we left behind, or act as their guardian angels- we just sleep until the Judgement Day arrives. That’s what the Bible tells us to expect.
I hope that those who are still grieving years later, or who know someone like that, can get this message to them- the ones you have lost do not want you to be unhappy for the rest of your life, so get past it, get on with your life, find the love and joy still out there for you, and honor your dead loved one by living your life to its fullest.
That’s it for this week; please remember to subscribe, buy my books, and share these messages. So, without further ado, l’hitraot and (an early) Shabbat Shalom!
