Tag: management

Having Control Doesn’t Always Mean Being in Control

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Sorry- no video today.

I have spent the majority of my working life in charge of people. Sometimes it was only a handful of people, like when I had 7 people working for me processing securities for a major New York City bank. We were responsible for making sure some $60 Billion every day went where it was supposed to go.  When I was in the Marine Corps I was a Company Executive Officer, and at that time I was responsible for 365 men and millions of dollars of equipment.  And over the years, I have had management positions in and out of sales and banking. I finished my last 10 years or so in IT and I was happily not in charge of anyone.

What does this have to do with today’s message? It is the important lesson I learned while managing others: even when you are in charge and in control of what happens, sometimes you have to give up control so that others can learn how to be in control.

I once asked God to remove any lustful thoughts from my mind. Now wait a minute! I wasn’t some sleazeball leering at every girl that walked by; really, I wasn’t. I was trying to not look at all- you know, do what Job said he did (Job 31:1.) And after praying for God to excise this part of my brain, the answer came to me as a small voice in the back of my head.

The answer was, “It doesn’t work that way.”

Huh? I am praying for something that is a righteous prayer, something that will help to make me holier and I am praying in the name of Yeshua ha Maschiach- I have filled in all the blanks, answered all the questions and even should get extra credit for using the Hebrew name! Why won’t you just do it?

Again, an answer came: “Because if I do it for you,  you won’t learn how to accomplish the hard things you need to do.”

God is in control of everything, but in this case, as with my own work experience, he ceded control to me. He left control up to me so that I could learn a valuable lesson- how to exercise and strengthen my self-control by listening to and obeying the Ruach Ha Kodesh.

There have been many people who reject God because of some trauma in their lives. They cannot reconcile that a loving, compassionate God would allow such bad things to happen to them. They do not understand that God’s love is not like human love. Most of the time human love is more destructive than helpful. We dote upon each other, we overly protect our children from emotional and physical pain. When parents do not teach their children the hard lessons of life they are not preparing them to survive in a fallen and cursed world. This is why there is such a feeling of victimization in the younger generations: “It’s not my fault”, “Society caused this”, or “My parents made me this way.” No accountability, no responsibility. And why is this? Because they were not given control of themselves and , more importantly, they were not held accountable for what they did or said.

God will cede control of events and action to humans so that we can learn for ourselves how to be in control. You cannot teach someone how to lead if you never put them in a position of leadership. And the hardest part of this is allowing them to screw it up. Even when you know what they are about to do will not work, you still have to let them make the mistake because that is really the only way humans learn. It is exceptionally rare when someone is wise enough and has enough emotional maturity to learn from someone else’s mistakes.

Suffering and emotional hurt is something we all will experience during our lifetime. I don’t believe we ever get over really painful events, but we can get past them. To do that we need to have inner strength, and that only comes from regularly being exposed to life. It’s like when you want to have bigger muscles so you lift weights and do so to the point where you actually destroy (traumatize) the muscle. As it recovers, it adds more of itself so that it is able to handle more stress in the future. That is why people who constantly use their muscles have big ones.

God is absolutely in charge of and capable of controlling everything that happens…but he allows us to be in control of things so we can grow, spiritually and emotionally, into strong leaders and self-controlled saints of the Most High.

Don’t immediately blame God for bad things that happen in your life; if what happens is a wonderful blessing, then you can give credit to God and you should thank him. The world will not bless you so when the bad stuff happens, well….just look at it as a learning experience and grow from it. Look to and call upon the Ruach ha Kodesh (Holy Spirit) to give you strength and guidance to get by.

One last point: a good manager will allow his or her people to get themselves into trouble as a learning experience, but not so much trouble that they cannot be pulled out of it. Trust in God to know best how much control he will cede to you; he will test you through fire so that the dross will be burned away, and even though you may think the fire is too hot you can always call on God for help.

Just like in Matthew 14:28-31, when Yeshua was walking on the water:

Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”  “Come,” he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus.  But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”  Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”

God will show us what we are to do, let us try it and if (and when) we start to sink, he will rescue us. He will give control over to us so we can learn to be stronger and holier.

That’s what good parenting is all about.

 

 

Pet Peeves

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Sometimes you just have to wonder how we ever got this far as a species.

I love the word puzzles in the morning- they get my brain started. Today a word puzzle had the answer , “Good mothers have sticky floors, dirty ovens and (happy kids).” Really? I thought the main thing a parent was to do was to prepare their children for independence, teach them to be able to care for themselves as well as their family. Good mothers don’t have to sacrifice cleanliness and respect for property just to have happy children, do they?

In a previous life I owned a 2-bedroom condo, and I asked who I was married to at that time to please clean it once a week (she stayed at home with our daughter, who was only 2 at the time) because the dog hairs would get all over my clothes (I was a Bank Officer, so dog hairs covering my legs was not acceptable.) That was it- please vacuum the 895 sq ft or so once a week. I was told (and I quote), “What do you want? A clean house or a wife that loves you?” I was amazed, because I never realized that these things were self-exclusionary! I can be loved or I can have a clean house, but not both.

We need to raise our children to be loving, competent, respectful, compassionate AND able to clean up after themselves! Cleanliness doesn’t have to be sacrificed to be a good parent or spouse. Proverbs says that if we raise a child in the way he should go he will return to it. And the bible does NOT say if we spare the rod we spoil the child: what Proverbs says is that if we do not discipline our children we condemn them to death! Good parents do not condemn their children to death.

Another thing- I saw an article the other day about alcoholism, but they don’t call it that anymore. Now it’s AUD – Alcohol Use Disorder. It’s not so much a disease (having a disease is bad), it’s really just a disorder. By softening the name of a thing it seems to make the thing less our fault. It’s all part of that “Not really my fault” attitude that makes our kids irresponsible and our lives less meaningful. When you think everything that happens to you is someone else’s fault, you are really telling yourself you have no control over your actions and that means you have no hope to be happy. Your problems are from someone else and so your happiness must, as well, come from someone else. You can’t be happy on your own. Hopeless, useless, just a leaf blowing in the wind. Not a good way to live, is it?

What’s next? Serial killers will say they have RMD (Random Murder Disorder)? Transsexuals will have NGSD (Native Gender Specific Disorder)?  Career criminals can say they suffer LPOD (Legal Property Ownership Disorder)? Those who are infected with the pandemic of not being politically correct, bigoted and ignorant can fall under the banner of suffering from SABD (Socially Acceptable Behavior Disorder)?

Let’s just call it what it is and face the music about what we do and say. Yeshua told us that our ‘yes’ should be ‘yes’ and our ‘no’ should be ‘no’, because anything else is from the evil one. That’s a strong statement- if we don’t face the music and be honest with ourselves and others, we are essentially doing Satan’s work.

Does your company have quarterly “Kudos”? We do- every quarter the managers make up kudos about their people, and we also have attitude awards where you say I did something really special this time and next time I will say you did something really special. Forced recognition of others, just to say,  “Look at how wonderfully we treat our employees.”

I won’t say what that is called, but you can plant flowers in it.

I have been in management most of my life and understand the value of recognizing good work. I also understand how forcing people to say good things about others undervalues recognition. People today generally have this attitude of, “I show up every day, usually on time, I usually don’t leave early, and I do the minimum I am supposed to do, usually without problems. I deserve a merit raise!” Huh? It’s called a merit raise because it is supposed to be earned by doing meritorious work- that doesn’t mean just doing what you are supposed to do. That means regularly, and effectively, doing more than what is expected from you. Here’s what Yeshua says about meritorious raises for just doing what you are supposed to do (Luke 17:7-10):

Suppose one of you has a servant plowing or looking after the sheep. Will he say to the servant when he comes in from the field, ‘Come along now and sit down to eat’? Won’t he rather say, ‘Prepare my supper, get yourself ready and wait on me while I eat and drink; after that you may eat and drink’? Will he thank the servant because he did what he was told to do? So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, ‘We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.’

If you want a raise then earn it- just like John Houseman said in the old Smith Barney commercials about how they make money: “We earn it!” If you want a raise or a promotion, then do more than anyone else does so you can earn it! It shouldn’t, and most of the time isn’t, just given out.  I am pretty sure everyone reading this (both of you) know people who have received a promotion by simply being around long enough to get it – do you really think they were qualified for it?

The only thing you can get without earning it (in fact, you can’t earn it) is salvation. And even salvation, free as it is, requires you to work for it to keep it (search this site for ‘losing salvation’ to see why I say that.)

There are so many social and political ills in the world, and America isn’t the only country with them. Every country, everywhere, has the same problems because we all have one thing in common that we cannot escape- we are all human. If we did what God wants from us things would be so much better, and even though we will fail at times, by trying and keeping at it we can be better. God has given us all the answers we need for anything and everything that we have to deal with in the world, and He also provided for us the means to have eternal joy after we leave this lousy place. But we need to take stock of ourselves, be honest with ourselves and others, let our ‘yes’ be ‘yes’ and our ‘no’ be ‘no’, and even more important than that, we need to know when to say yes and when to say no. To do that correctly, constantly, requires more insight and understanding than most humans have, inherently. That’s where the Ruach HaKodesh (Holy Spirit) helps- it is our comforter because it guides us and helps us find the correct decisions to those hard questions. And, not only does it give us the strength to make them, but also the strength and perseverance to abide by them.

I am ranting here, and my rants may be a little under-researched, I may not understand completely the reasons for some of these things, and I may be way off the mark on others but I know, absolutely, that the bible has all the answers we need, and that faith in God will provide us the wisdom to accept what the proper answers are, and strengthen us to do what is right.

The world thinks it has all the answers, and it does- only it’s answers are wrong.

What Now?

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This week I seem to be on a pathway leading to somewhere; where, I don’t know.

Monday I felt led to write about building our belief system  in something (hopefully God), and yesterday it was about telling people what our beliefs are without forcing it down their throat because, ultimately, it is between each one of us and God. So we have chosen what to believe, and we are open to telling others what we believe for their sakes, but respectfully remembering it is their choice.

I guess today the next thing to discuss is: what do we do when they don’t want to believe what we do? How do we live with this? How do we change their minds, for their sakes?

That’s an important point: it has to be for their sake, not for our pridefulness, that we talk to people. I know I am prideful- I confess it, I admit it, and I deserve to be (that last part is just a joke, really.) We need to put our own need to be believed and listened to behind us when we are talking about God because it is all about God and not about us; it is OK to present ourselves as an example of what we are talking about, but we shouldn’t be the main topic (especially not in our own minds.)

I have been “in charge” for a good part of my career, and now that I am approaching the age where social security is going to be more of an income producer than a salary reducer, I feel that even if I am not in charge, my experience is useful. As such, I will offer my advice now and then, especially when it is asked for.

BTW…your opinion may be of great intrinsic value, but it has no perceived value at all until someone asks for it.

What I have learned from being in management is that just because someone thinks they have a great idea, even if it is a great idea, it may not be appropriate to the situation. In many cases, the person offering the advice is not aware of all the factors, so even when what they offer is good it will not work because of things they are unaware of. Even so, often people will become upset or angry when they offer their advice and it is not taken. That is pridefulness, and actually disrespectful to the person who has to make the decision.

Yeshua said that we should always respect those in charge because God put them there. Even when the person in charge is a total jerk, and every good and appropriate piece of advice you give is ignored, it is that person’s responsibility to make the final decision. So, if you give really good advice and he or she ignores it, just wait. Sooner or later things that go around will come around, and sometimes God, in His infinite mercy, will actually let us see that happen.

Most of the time we don’t see it, but we can trust in the Lord that it will happen. Just like I talked about yesterday, everyone gets their comeuppance, good or bad.

This holds true when we give advice about salvation and talk about the Lord. We have formed our beliefs, and we have offered them to people to help that person come to the truth. After we have had our say, we wait to see if the seed of salvation is absorbed by good soil, or if it has no more effect than shouting into the wind.

Now comes the hard part- being totally ignored, maybe even having our beliefs insulted, and not being offended. We can be a little miffed if we are insulted, and if so, there is nothing wrong with gently saying, “I allow you to believe what you want to without insulting you, and if you can’t be as respectful to me as I have been to you, then I don’t want to talk to you anymore about this.” Let’s assume that we are talking with someone who is not insulting, just not accepting what we say as valid for them. It’s hard to see someone rush headlong into what we know, absolutely, is death and eternal suffering. It is much, much harder when it is someone we love or care about. But we have to hold firm; we have to respect their right to decide for themselves, and we have to show them in our compassionate reply that we are not Bible-thumpers who can only preach fire and brimstone. We need to say, gently, lovingly and painfully (without trying to lay some guilt trip on them) that we respect their right to choose, and we hope they don’t mind too much if we continue to pray for them.

I usually like to include in my discussion, somewhere, that I know why I believe what I do, but can they tell me why they believe what they do, and they cannot say it is because that’s what they’ve been told or “just because”- those are not acceptable reasons.

From years in the sales business I learned the best way to make someone change their mind is not to point out where they are wrong, but simply to get them to question themselves. People only believe half of what you tell them, but they believe 100% of what they say. When we ask the right questions, and they realize they don’t have a “real” answer, they start to doubt themselves. Questioning ourselves is the first step to coming to the truth. If what we believe stands up to our own cross-examination, we are standing on a solid foundation. If we can’t answer our own questions with certainty, then we need to re-evaluate what we believe.

It is hard to see those we love and care about walk headlong to destruction, smiling and joking all the way to the end of the cliff, along with all the other Lemmings. It hurts, and we just want to smack ’em upside their head…but we can’t. It won’t do any good to kick against the goads (as Yeshua said), or throw pearls before swine (He said that, too.) All we can do is make them question themselves, offer the answers we know are true, and let them decide what they will believe.  Oh, I almost forgot- we need to show them what we are talking about by demonstrating it in our life. It’s one thing to talk the talk, but if we don’t walk the walk they will not see any reason to change. It has to be “Do as I say, and watch me do as I say” or it means nothing. No one will go to a restaurant you recommend if you say you would never eat there, right?

I think I have come to the place I didn’t know where I was heading to when I started writing this morning.

Here is my “A-B-C’s” for missionary work:

A– form your belief system;

B– share your beliefs and why you believe, respectfully understanding everyone has a right to make their own choice; and

C– humbly allow others to ignore you, but continue to pray for them and let them see your belief system at work in you.

I think that’s all we need; at least, it’s a good start. Don’t you think so?